Apocalypse/Doomsday - 2012

The hoax of 2012 apocalypse/Doomsday is spreading more everyday with numerous book , websites talking about the possible apocalypse that might occur to the humans. We all should remember that dinosaurs , the animals once that lived and ruled the territorial earth , are now extinct. What made them to get extinct? Nobody knows definitely to this date.We may scrap off the idea that the apocalypse might occur on December 21 , 2012.But we should not scrap off the idea of apocalypse itself.Looking out for dangers and protecting oneself is a important aspect of human survival.In this context , i wish to imagine the various ways in which the apocalypse might occur and what would i / people around me  would be doing.As a part of filmi fundas , we have many men protecting the earth ( the entire mankind) from being eroded.I want to take three character in the field of Tamil cinema , British Film and Hollywood : Rajinikanth , James Bond and Will smith ( The usual saviors ) and want to see how they can save me ( If you are asking why me and not the entire world, then answer is : Who cares what shit happens to others !! I am bothered about me !! This is my personal blog. I want these them to save me !!!) . Adding more spice to this is : i want to split this in to two parallel 'might occur' cases (Like the Tamil film '12b'). I am aiming to trim down my weight within a year or two.So

•  I will trim down the weight at the BegingingOfDay of december 12 , 2012(12/21/2012).
•  I am still bulky at the BegingingOfDay of december 12 , 2012(12/21/2012).

What will happen in both cases?Lets go for this ride.


METEOR/COMET/Nibiru :

The concept of apocalypse by meteor is not new. There is no surprise that whenever there is a visible celestial body seen on the sky , ancient Indians believed that the king ( or the PM in current context ) would die.That's the amount of fear the comets have created in the minds of the people.Even if a small stone falls on my head making me to bleed , as a human i would suffer and panic. But this is a DEEP SHIT. A whole body of rock just falling over my head is a horrible one .NASA says there is no comet that is predicted to come in 2012.One point to be noted here is : If a comet that has a high parabolic space and travels with a huge velocity plus it hasn't fallen in the eyes of any telescope ( mind this !! telescope was invented some 400 yeas ago only) or any man made observers, there is a high probability that we might be hit with one such body.Ok saying this , at lease we have the technology now to spot this some days before the collision.So if the collision is anticipated , the first thing i will do is go to a part in the earth which is in the other side of the collision. By this i can escape the collision and be saved.Or dug up/find a cave underground and go beneath the surface of the earth as much as possible where there is oxygen and water and some space to cultivate eatable spirulina.Now if i was bulky , then it would be very difficult for me to live in the caves down the earth .Moving around the caves and penetrating small spaces will be difficult. this leave little chance for my survival.If i am married , then the burden to save my family is added upon this . But the plus point is , in such space , i would have a lot of body fat in me . So even if i go with sparse food for months , i will survive better than the others. what you say !!!! If i was lean/fit by then , then i can move around easily inside the underground caves and i can travel swiftly to come to the top of the earth and find something to eat !!! What if none of the space stations in earth predicted the arrival ? Then again there are two cases . Without notice , it lands on my head !! What to do .. nothing could be done . I will become part of earth !!! I will be the fossil to be discovered for the next animal which will rule the earth.It was dinosaurs before humans. Next animal? who knows? Some 2,000,0000 years later i will be unearthed and will be kept in a museum.If i was fat then the specimen in the museum will be written "Healthy Human".If i am lean/fit when the comet hit , then i would be written "Poor starving human that got crushed in the meteor attack".The second case is , i am informed just some hours before the comet is going to crush.Then this would start a frenzy around people to go the place where the comet will not hit.The race and competition would have been started.Being fat will cause easy fatigues and i wouldn't be able to cope up with the speed of the other people .So the winners will survive . If i am lean by that time , then i can move around swiftly.Go to the nearest airport and grab the ticket in middle of the crazy crowd and catch the plane and get the hell out of the place !!! What might three heroes do here !!!!Rajini will of course try to kick the comet with his leg.For him its a football na.He is a superstar,Invincible . This moving star will be a dust in front of him.Mr . James Bond : he wouldn't save me at all. Trust me ..As soon as the news comes that a comet is hitting the earth, all he will do is go to the best girl in the surrounding and tell to her "Hey, anyway we are going to die.Why cant we go for some 10 rounds of screwing ;)'. Will smith : Take a plane , load it with a high profile nuclear weapon, drive the plane near to the comet and blast the comet before it hits the earth. This is what he will plan but within the time he takes off the flight , the meteor would have landed on our heard .So the perfect savior in this case is : Rajnikanth


Volcanic eruption :

What if one of the dormant volcano , that is dormant for a million years erupts all of a sudden.No scientist can say that "this is not possible".Do we have trackers and knowledge about each and every fissure that is present in the earth? nope !! I am suspecting some volcano in the pacific to do this .If that is the case , then the entire Atmosphere of the earth will be spoiled by the fumes and gases that are emitted by the volcano.Most areas that will be affected in this case will be Australia,New Zealand and the pacific islands.Let me imagine that i am at my honeymoon in Hawaii.1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8.... 22,23. And suddenly some Hawaiian is shouting 'Kokua' and running near the window while i am seriously bumping . On first look i ignore this due to the serious activity i am involved in. 100,101,102,103,104..... 201.After some time another Hawaiian runs shouting 'Kokua'!!!Then there is a thick smoke that is seen in the sky. Time to pull up the socks !! Wait ,Not only socks but everything . Pant, shirt and shocks !!When i come out the window i see a golden lava melting and coming towards my resort !!Kokuaaaaaaaaaaaa.I ask her to dress up too and run towards the cruise ship docked in the dockyard.Wait . i can Start the car !!! ok . I take the car and drive towards the dockyard.Now comes a family across the road asking for a escape ride !! If i was lean , i will accommodate two more people that i would have been able to if that i was fat. And i will save some more space for another Hawaiian to be present in the ship if i would be lean.So for the unseen Hawaiian's life , i just have two years to trim down and save his / her life :) Coming to our heroes , James bond 007 has more experience in this case than the other guys , thanks to 'You Only Live Twice'. But the problem is , bond would already have been tired with his Hawaiian beach skinnydippings.

Tsunami :

I never knew of this word until a tsunami hit Chennai in 2004.I don't know whether i might go back to Chennai.I would love to , but i don't know.I was in Chennai on DEC 26,2004.To be exact in avadi.My mom called me suddenly on the day and asked "I saw Tv news that Sea water has entered Chennai .Are you ok?". I first thought she just had a nightmare and hence calling me. Learning the news from others , I convinced her that i was 25 Kms from sea shore and it will take a real huge wave to come to that much distant!! Few days after tsunami , i went to the marina beach.To my surprise , I was first allowed to go. Secondly i was able to walk 2 Kms into the sea. That's the amount of sand the tsunami has brought.So in case i was in Chennai on DEC 2012 , then i am sure the tsunami will have more impact than being in Bangalore.With knowing to swim only in a swimming pool that has 4 feet depth , its impossible for me to swim in the tsunami.The nearest safe place in case of tsunami in Chennai is St.Thomas mount (parangi malai).With a bulky body , it will be impossible to climb the hill in the event my bike is already washed away by the sea water. With a lean body its will be easy to go there to the top.Now you must remember that jayalalitha resides in chennai too.She will also know the info.If she is also running to the top of the mountain , then there would be a race between us.I myself cant tolerate this hilarious situation.Me and jayalalitha running alongside in the st.thomas mountain with the water waves chasing behind us.But for sure , i am not as much she is . I will win her . But the problem is , being only the two survivors of earth , i will be forced to carry on the baton of survival of humans with me as adam and jayalalitha as eve.For this situation would ever happen , i would take a U turn , and fall into the roaring sea !!!! The perfect hero to save in this situation is again : Rajinikanth.With his new affiliation towards jayalalitha and his presence in Chennai , he is more preferable.


Return of ICE age:

With the entire world worried and geared up to meet global warming , this is my theory about Global cooling.Winter 2010: The entire North America and UK is suffering from Zeus's dandruff : snow. It seems the earth might go for another Ice age. But i believe that the last ice age was after the worldwide flood.

The sequence could be like this.

1. A meteor or celestial body would have hit the earth's surface triggering a worldwide flame or high temperature!!! This would have caused extinction of land animals.

2. This would have created a world wide flood and movement of water to both poles.

3. After the heat escaped the earth(which is the collision energy), there was a massive cooling and hence earth was covered with Ice.

4. Slowly day after day the snow melted due to more heat escaping from center of earth through volcano, to form the current water bodies and land.The life forms started to take shape starting from the aquatic animals again.

The other points that we have to consider is the earth holds the Solids(Land),Liquids(water) and gases(atmosphere) using its gravity.What is gravity ? The attractive force that keeps everything together.From where is this force? Mutually occurring force,according to the physics.All these molecules in different forms currently could be not have been in the same state billions of years ago.And this chemistry is tightly coupled with the SUN.With high probability of the sun to go into a red dwarf giant , we might see the entire world turn into ICE sheets.Which means , all the terrestrial species would get extinct and buried.Then again the species will start to originate from sea once some other star of the colliding Andromeda galaxy gives energy to earth.

This kind of extinction cannot be framed with a particular date nor it could be imminent until and unless some ET objects deviated the earth from its orbit and separates it from the sun. So i cant say that this will occur next year's winter.This might be a long term apocalypse and within that my period would have ended.But for the humans to survive this kind of Apocalypse , they should start to adapt to the glacial change. With the intelligence homo sapiens have now , its very easy to survive this event i guess.Anyways forces of nature are stronger than humans , at least until now.


Check out this good documentary that describes the evolution of the next species( a rodent in this case) after human extinction  and the emergence of the next ice age .Making all of our heroes to suck dust , ratatouille is the winner here.Long live ratatouille....

Earthquake:

The last decade has seen two devastating earthquakes - Sumatra and Haiti.Both has taken a huge toll of death.That's nearly two massive earthquakes within a decade in recorded history in a much shorter span of time.What if an earthquake hits all of a sudden the entire world with a richter scale 14 ? As i am writing this piece of blog , i was surprised to see the news about earthquake in Christchurch.Its a coincidence of two irrelevant events just converged in time.For me , the last time an earthquake hit and the news was spoken about was when i was in Chennai.Before that it was in Taiwan.My roommies were talking about the Chennai one and my colleagues were talking about the building trembling in Taiwan.But i don't know why i was not able to feel the earthquake both the times. May be i don't have the instinct to realize that.What if a devastating earthquake comes all of a sudden in India and / or china. Its enough to a abolish a huge population of humanity.Dec 21st. I am sitting in Forum mall 's McDonald's at Bangalore and having food.Suddenly an earthquake comes up.Due to my poor instinct i am not able to judge it first.In front me a fat ass aunt sits.suddenly her bums starts to bounce.First i think she is dancing to the mild music that is running in the background.Then i see that a grandpa's bum too bounces. What happened !! Everyone started to 'Shake you bom bom ' huh . People running around makes me realize that the earth is shaking its bum.If i stay in the place longer , then i will fall between earth's bum. Nope ... that's hell... Now the same analysis as other cases.If i was bulky .....blah blah blah ..... I myself feeling bored to write the same situation.Something different !!! Ok .. The earth now opens its land and divides the road into two parts like in the film "war of the worlds". Now the task is to cross the road. If i was bulky then all i can do is to be a displacement weight on a seasaw and help others to get displaced to the other side of the road.Thus helping 100s of people to escape the earth's a**hole. But eventually i have to die.Now if i was lean , then i can myself be on the other side of the opening. Jamesbond scores again here . He has experience in his kitty by saving California in 'A View to a Kill' from earthquake.

World war III - The Nuclear war

                                                           I strongly doubt (Not only me .. half the world's population) that the world war III has already started with 9/11. The attack on Afghanistan can be at least accepted as a revenge to the WTC attack.But the attack on Iraq is purely for OIL.For natural resources.Man has accomsted to live with comfort that he has to loot resources of other civilization in order for his civilization to thrive.The 1945 Hiroshima Nagasaki bombing has made America the richest country.Yup.No other country dares to fight with the world's largest nuclear power.But yet there are challengers for it from the Islamic world , the archaic opposition to the Jews/Christians , the north Korea and the Iran.But i doubt this angle is wrong to see for the third world war.The chunk of European nations are dormant due to the wound that is still imparted from the two world wars.There are mentions about Brahmastra in Mahabharata. They describe it as : Secret weapon that can cause annihilation to the territory. I don't know whether there was some nuclear weapon like thing developed by ancient Indians.Whatever is the case , whoever fights , now the question is : How will i escape the war? This is an easy case i suppose .just move to the country which doesn't participate in the war.Not all the world participates.The challenge will be  "How to move to such a country?" , as they will try to stop refugees. Oh dear !! I will become refugee.But if i ever where in US or any other country while the war is at peak , then is when the trouble starts.A nuclear attack on the city i dwell in will be imminent.All i have to do is to tuck me and my family inside a refrigerator(lead) to save from the hazards of nuclear explosion, as in the case of "Indiana Jones".Don't know how far this is true.Until we find a anti-nuclear solution , this threat is there.The best hero to save the world here is : James Bond . he has tackled nuclear threats in many films to save the world.

Explosion of sun/New Sun :

                                  When the entire world talks about niburu hitting the earth , why cant there be a possibility of an object doing the same to the sun.There is a prediction that Andromeda and milky-way will collide. In that case , why not the sun be blown out. Without the sun , there is not even a single life possible on earth , i suppose.Are we going to find any alternate sun ? or are we going to create an artificial sun ? If so how? Even if i am going to bulky or lean , it makes no difference in this case . Sun gone is sun gone!! Regarding our heroes , Will Smith might try something to save the world. But i don't know how effective he will be.

Alien/UFO attack:
                           This one , i suppose i can write as a separate blog. We have that much amount of fear for UFOs and Aliens.The concept of searching for aliens is rekindled in full force due to technological advancements as people in any part of the world can collaborate within seconds with anyone else in other part of the world and share info.There are different ways in which aliens have been showed by Hollywood.Mostly they show that the aliens look like humans . I don't agree with this concept.Various animal family started to evolve but the homo sapiens were able to better survive due to the use of tools and the 5 elements effectively.So similarly it could be an elephant ,in a earth like distant planet, that has developed intelligence. It could be a flying bird that has developed intelligence.Or it could be a animal made up of metal skin  that has developed intelligence.It could be a tree that has developed a brain.Or an unknown element that is invisible to the human eyes (It simply passes the light rays instead of reflecting it ) could be the composition of the alien.If you look at the concept of evolution , you will agree that this can happen.The very thought that only human's process intelligent is itself unintelligent.

In this scenario , if an alien attacks the earth , then what should i do ?  There could be the following cases with which an alien can attack

1) Human's are their main prey : oh no .. This is dangerous .. If i am bulky till dec 21 ,2012 then i will be the primary target of the aliens because i store lot of fat. If i am lean/fit , and by the time i have learned a martial art to fight someone better , then i have better chances of survival . Otherwise , i  can only imagine this situation : Ten aliens siting around a fire , on which i am roasted  with a stick and they drink and dance and seduce.Oh ho.. This should not happen !!!! If i am bulky they will have a feast . If i a lean and if they like bones , still they will have a feast... It should be the other way . Me and other humans roasting ,eating them and enjoying the food !!!!!

2) They want earth (Habitat): They are here to destroy the humanity for the habitat.Destroying other races and other animals for the habitat is not new for humans themselves.So in this case it is a full fledged war !!! We need to fight this war .

3) They want Raw materials : In this case we must negotiate to trade with them . But how to communicate with them . Humans themselves have different language for every 100 Km on earth.Who knows, America may outsource the jobs to the aliens too....

4) Mating partner : Using human's as mating partner .Such an in the film 'Species' .If the alien chic is as cute as the Natasha Henstridge then i don't bother in doing that . seriously .. If death is what will happen in attaining quality , i can go for quality and die instead of wailing with mediocre for entire life.But the problem is obese men / women mostly don't have sex appeal. That is true  and its a universal truth.So before the alien Natasha  arrives on 21 dec , 2012 i must put down the weight for her :)

So who is the best hero : Of course Will smith . Fighting against aliens and saving the earth is not new for him . He has done it repeatedly. Again and again.I think he will practice this daily after brushing his teeth. He will be our brand ambassador to the aliens. He can decrypt their language, he can destroy them , he can dance with them  and he can do that single handed.


 Zombie :
                Is apocalypse by zombie possible?  I don't think exactly a zombie one but something like infected by a incurable virus or bacteria. From the day of discovering AIDS, we don't have a cure for it yet. That is the damage these unicellular organisms can create in animals. So i am not ruling out the option of a zombie apocalypse. It doesn't change much if i am fat or lean as zombie's are slow movers.Dead slow movers. Eating all GM (Genetically modified ) food might push us to this too one day. Who knows. The way in which the world's population is increasing , there is a demand for food and GM foods might alter our genes and might lead us to zombie status. The best hero in this category is : WILL SMITH. His experience in dealing zombies in "I am a legend" will be more useful.



This is the view of the earth from the sky.A famous photograph of NASA in which earth looks like a blue marble.What if someone comes and demolished your home ? Will you allow it to happen ? There are three main deities in Hindu mythology  : Brahma, Vishnu , Shiva.Shiva or rudra is the god of destroyer.He is said to destroy the earth in order for Brahma to recreate it. With the dinosaur extinction and creation of man and the doomsday prophecies in other mythologies , i strongly believe the cycles that are said in the Hindu mythology is true.The world might go for a survival challenge.Not exactly on Dec 21 , 2012 but some where in near future.Even if there is an apocalypse of December 21, 2012 or in future ,we will have to stand up and fight it rather than succumb to death.That will be my fight against Shiva!!!!